A friend recently sent me a quote from an unknown author that read "Mistakes are inevitable, but learning from your mistakes is optional. Make the right choice." Reading this bit of wisdom caused me to reflect on the mistakes I have made in my own life. I thought about the many lessons I have learned the hard way, the cost of the learning and the growth it has produced in my life. I thought about all of the mean, hurtful, hateful things I had done to others, and the pain that inevitably ricocheted back into my own life as though it had bounced off those to whom I had directed it. The memories of hurts I had inflicted on others long ago awakened feelings of shame and embarrassment that came rushing back with a renewed vigor.

Oddly enough, it wasn't my own pain I remembered that caused me to ache. It was the memory of a hurt expression on a friend's face, the tears that ran down the cheeks of my children after I punished them, the rage in the voice of my mother as she revealed that she knew of my betrayal. I found I could not recall any justification for my behavior. The details of the events that precipitated my cruel actions were gone. I was left only with the clear recollections of how very unkind I was with the judgments I dished out.

Suddenly, I couldn't bear it. I wanted to run from the memories, get busy with something else and move on. Then I remembered some wonderful advice I had received at the Gestalt Institute over two decades ago. "Don't just do something, stand there." I stayed a bit longer in the past, long enough to remember what I had learned from each terrible scene that made up my gruesome life review. After a bit I noticed my blue funk start to slowly lift as I began to notice how useful my karma had been in preventing me from repeating those old, hurtful behaviors in my life today. I began to feel somewhat proud as I noticed that in midlife I have more wisdom, tolerance and unconditional love to spread around than was available to me in my youth.

It's true. What you put out you get back. I realized at that moment that my life today is peaceful, loving, happy and fulfilling. I am slower to anger now and quicker to forgive. I know now that my negative judgments are best focused on myself and not others. I accept the fact that most folks would do better if they knew better so now I teach in lieu of punishing others. Indeed my world is a much nicer place since I have grown into a more humane human being.

At this point you may wonder why I am sharing these private thoughts with you. It is my hope that by sharing my learning that you too will be inspired to review the mistakes of your life and check on your own growth and progress. My wish for you is that you will find that the lessons you have learned in your life now serve you well. I leave you with a quote from the Velveteen Rabbit.

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you when a child loves you for a really long time, not just to play with but REALLY loves you, then you become real. It doesn't happen all at once. You become. It takes a long time. Generally by the time you are real most of your hair has been loved off and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints, and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."